I remember many times in the past when I have regretted letting my anger get the best of me, or when I’ve allowed my frustration to spill out onto the pages of an e-mail or a letter. When I reflect upon it now, I see that it was my fear of not getting my needs met, or that I might be taken advantage of, or that my voice wouldn’t be heard, that made me reactive and defensive in the moment. Each and every time afterward I felt I had done damage to the relationship I was engaging and that I had sullied my own integrity.